Have you ever been faced with the decision to suffer through
something you hate vs. hurting someone you like? Innocently
enough, I often end up in that predicament.
Perfect example
I was on my knees pulling weeds along the lot line of my
yard when my neighbor drove up, jumped out of
the car, all in bliss heaven and goggledee-eyed from her
marriage of a week ago. She (a much younger spry-of-legs
version than her newly acquired husband) ran over to me while
he struggled to get out of the car.
With breathless excitemet she exclaimed, "Guess what we
bought....guess what we bought!
Ummm....twin beds?
"We bought a boat."
She's beaming and hugging me and bouncing up and down.
Looking me right in the eye, I'm not so sure now if the bliss I
see is for the new marriage or the new boat, but it's definitely
there as her voice asked in a new high-powered pitch,
"Do you like boats?"
OH MY GOD.....I knew exactly what was coming next. No
crystal ball, I just knew. She was going to offer me a ride in
her boat. Now don't misunderstand. I love this neighbor so
much, in fact she is the best neighbor I've ever had.
She's moving and I'll miss her terribly BUT that is not the
point. The point is I HATE BOATS. They are simply my
idea of "nothing to do."My husband had a party boat for
ten years and I never stepped foot on it. Really. Swaying along
the Florida coast line with his alcoholic relatives was REALLY
my idea of nothing to do, but that's another story). And no,
I'm not afraid of water. I grew up on a lake that was a mile
wide and as kids we swam back and forth (but a really
stupid thing to do).
So if I put it mildly to my neighbor, that I don't like boats,
she'll say, "Oh come on, you'll love it." I have to put it
strongly and nip it in the bud right away but whatever
I say, she'll think I'm a jerk.
I said in kind of quiet voice, "I detest boats." Oh,
her face, you would have thought I had slapped her.
Not only did she most likely think I was a jerk......I felt
like a jerk. Newly acquired husband finally made
it out of the car and approached with a picture of the
new boat. I gushed and gushed over the beauty of the
boat, hoping to redeem myself a little and just
wanting to return to my weeding. Oh, woe.
Here's my big question.....
What would you have done/said? That is, if you had
my same feeling about boats, which you most likely
don't because all people love boats, except me.
Your answer was fair, she could have taken it better. You could have said, "I love boats but I get seasick."
ReplyDeleteYour first response "Twin beds?" Very funny!
joeh
DeleteThat would have prob. been the best white lie. When I was young in the 30's and 40's, air travel was not yet extensive and we always traveled by big ship to other countries. I never got sick even when everyone around me was upchocking like crazy.
lol well she'll be able to keep ahead of him and run away easy enough. You know the cat would have said the same thing, if I don't like something I'll say it. Better them be miserable than me lol as for boats, never been on any but a canoe once as a kid and a ferry a few times
ReplyDeletePat
DeleteYou are so right. When people have a passion for boats or any other thing, they think every one should. I'm just as guilty about dance. I often can't figure out why every person doesn't make dancing their number one priiority. LOL I just think riding around in a boat is boring. You said canoe...... that is fun and I used to kayak but just gave it away this summer. I don't even mind a little fishing boat with oars but I hate that noise of the motorized boats that haul-ass water skiers all over. Water skiing is even worse..... the skier is right behind all those fumes from the engine (if it's in the back) and that is really unhealthy.
Then in the winter all the guys had ice sail boats and god, we would go soooo fast skimming over the frozen lake. But it was silent. The lake was spring fed and we'd hit an open water spot but we were usually going so fast, we'd skim right over. It's very odd I ever lived this long. Haha
If I made dancing my number one priority, I'd end up on youtube making a fool of myself.
Deletehaha I'd be there with the blue guy if I made it #1 too.
DeleteOh I'm surprised I'm alive too, all the stupid crap I did, amazing I didn't break myself far sooner lol
Join the group but the strange thing...... I don't even mind making a fool of myself anymore.
DeleteI thought you younger kids had play dates and a lot of supervision. We had zip supervision.
But hurray, we're all still kick'n.
haha oh I had very little supervision, living on 100+ acres, I could hide very well
DeletePat
DeleteYou and Robin from Winnie the Poo. That really sounds like a fun and happy childhood.....just running wild and learning about nature.
Same here. I make a fool of myself on a regular basis. So far I've been spared an apperance on youtube. Maybe if Pat joined me...
DeleteI don't mind looking at boats, but I don't want to be on one. I suffer from motion sickness and I have a fear of large quantities of water, so I would probably have said the same thing as you. I think it was great that you were honest, even if you do like your neighbor. Being stuck on a boat and hating every moment is not worth it.
ReplyDeleteMurees
DeleteYou have a double whammy ...sick and fearful so I would agree that it is best you stay on dry land. I don't know.... being honest isn't always so good if people are hurt by it and I even joke around a lot but I never mean to hurt anyone's feelings.
Aren't you funny about twin beds for a May/ Dec marriage . Honesty is always the best way but I am a colossal weenie so I would have gone to the knitting party ( I adore boats so I had to improvise) to hopefully discover I was allergic to yarn. in case it came up again. Joeh has a good point about being seasick. No one wants to watch that.
ReplyDeletePatti
DeleteI understand because I think most people I know "adore" boats. I just get so bored being bounced around and sitting there.You are the least weenie person I know. LOL
Yeah Joeh had a good point. Who wants someone splatting all over their new boat. Haha
I get into these predicaments all the time. God knows how. Anyway ... what would I have said? Hmm ... always the one to keep the peace (and regret it later), I'd probably say 'sure' and then furiously try and make up an excuse to get out of it when the dreaded day neared. I'm shallow I know.
ReplyDeleteBut all said and done, you did exactly the right thing. Honesty is the best policy. So I've been told.
For the record - I love boats, just hate the water. Go figure. Mad possibly.
Wendy
DeleteI have been there and said "Sure, I'll go" many times previously and just like you, when the time would come, I feel sick because I wasn't true to my .... "what?" Myself, my soul, my gut??????
I noticed as I add years, I'm really selfish with what time I have left and I'd absolutely hate myself if I signed up to devote a day (no doubt) to riding around in a choppy boat. And the worst part the neighbors would prob. think I had a wonderful time and they would ask me to go again and again. LOL
I'm not knocking boats as they just are not my thing now. I said in upper comments that I grew up on a lake and actually lived "in and on top" of that lake. The lake divided Minnesota and South Dakota and as kids we would swim the mile across to SD and back or vice versa. (Stupidly dangerous). We used every kind of floating device known to man and it was great fun as a kid.
The only boat I love is the one that doesn't sink and take me to Bora. But to answer your question... I would've said more or less the same thing or I'd be stuck doing nothing on somebody else's boat too.
ReplyDeleteBlue Man
DeleteOh yes, Bora Bora. Boats get ya where you want to go. Have you ever considered air travel to Bora Bora? But it's prob a cheaper rate with Captain Hatt and a lot more exciting. LOL
Yeah it would be more fun to have a boring time on your own boat. You could even head for Bora on your own boat. I suppose you'd have to hook up to a star as your Global Positioning System prob won't work.
Captain Hatt has been looking for Bora ever since I told him about my plans to go there. We both seem to be unable to find it. Unless we close our eyes and pretend we don't need money to buy ourselves a ticket. ;)
DeleteYears go, I would have said, "Whhhhyyyyyy surrrre, I'd love it." but, I've gotten wiser.
ReplyDeleteI remember once upon a time when a co-worker asked if I liked cabbage. Kind of an odd question, but I said yes (I was thinking cole slaw). Anyway, when I went to lunch at his house, he offered me a HALF of a head of cabbage. Not wanting to sound impolite, I ate it. But, then every time I went to his house for lunch...? You guessed it. Raw cabbage. Every. Time. Good grief, I didn't want to hurt his feelings.
Now?
You damn well better believe I won't ride your boat if I don't like boats.
And I won't eat any of your cabbage, either.
Al
DeleteHahahaha
That is what I mean. I said it somewhere in here. If I went the first time, they assumed I had a wonderful time and would ask me to go again and again.
It's a little strange to serve just cabbage to a dinner guest, in fact just to serve cabbage to a dinner guest is strange if it isn't St. Paddy's Day. Cabbage seems to be that veggie that people either love or hate. i'd think cole slaw too.... uummm I like that.
That last sentence is what a more mature age (ahem) will do for you. Makes ya all brittle around the edges.
By the way, even though I was in the Navy for 27 years, I still like boats.
ReplyDeleteBut, I don't like cabbage anymore.
Al
DeleteOh god, you and my father. He loved boats, ships, anything that floated in the water and he was in the Navy too. It was because of him that I grew up on a lake. On Minnesota's car lic. plates, it says Land of 10,000 lakes. Water, water everywhere. Boats up and down the freeways behind cars. Did you ever see that eposide of the Beverly Hillbillies where Jethro wanted a big boat so they could drive it around on the freeway because that is what they do with them. LOL
I think my father liked cooked cabbage but it gave him heartburn. Ha
A tricky situation indeed Manzie. I might have gone down the middle road and said "I love boats, they look so graceful gliding through the water, but I never go out in them, I have an irrational fear of falling out and under the propeller."
ReplyDeleteIn reality, I love boats, but have only ever been on Ferries, once in Sydney around the harbour and in Fremantle to and from Rottnest Island.
River
DeleteThat is a good one too. There must be some fancy phobia term for "fear of falling out of boats and landing in the propeller." There seems to be a name for every phobia ever known to mankind.
I hope, some day, you get to ride all kinds of boats. I think I got all boated out when I was a kid
As my husband aged, he couldn't walk very far and since we lived within 20 minutes from Cape Canaveral we went on a lot of island cruises. It wore pretty thin with me but at least I could move around and there were a lot of activities going on. My husband loved them so I was a good wife and didn't complain (out loud) LOL
I would of said I was aquaphobic or something
ReplyDeleteAdam
ReplyDeleteAnother good one. River (above) and I were trying to think of a name for a good phobia. Aquaphobic it is. Thanks
Having just moved to a house by a lake, you might think I love boats. I don't. I got a weird ailment from being on a cruise ship in 2009 and can't ride on boats or risk being stuck in a brain mode of feeling like I am moving constantly, even when I'm not and only being comfortable when I AM actually moving. I was stuck this way for 8 months and won't risk it again. So I would have told her that boats give me brain damage!
ReplyDeleteJasmine
ReplyDeleteThat was like being on a boat for 8 months. You could have joined the Navy and got paid for it. LOL Poor joke but it must have been a terrible feeling. I know when we used to come off a cruise, I'd feel that motion on land for a brief spell but to have it constantly would drive one up a tree.
I like that retort.... "Boats give me brain damage."
I think we all have such moments. I keep hearing from people that I ought to go on a cruise because it's great but that idea is just out of the question for me. I do like smaller boats and have taken ferry rides and paddled canoes but will not set foot on a floating hotel that is currentlt adding a lot of pollution to the air and water.
ReplyDeleteHeidrun
DeleteThe boats are so large and hold so many people they are crowded like a popular public beach on the 4th of July. Canoes and kayaks are kind of fun although I just gave mine away this summer. At least you are getting some exercise too.
I would have said: "Congrats on your new boat but I prefer not to go. Boats make me nervous." I always try to be tactful. But I'm also honest and I do know that many people do not welcome honesty.
ReplyDeleteI've gotten in trouble many times due to my honesty.
Julia
DeleteI agree that people do not normally appreciate honesty. When I hear blatant lies come from the mouths of politicians, I tend not to believe any of them. Even though the brutal truth may hurt my feelings at the moment, I still want to hear the truth. I think you get a double whammy of betrayal or hurt after you find out someone has lied to you. But you said the magic word....tact. Often that is not my long suit. :)
Just say no. Then there will be no repeat boat offense
ReplyDeleteHoly Ghost
Delete"No" is a word that we should have in our vocabulary.
Thanks.
Have you ever been faced with the decision to suffer through
ReplyDeletesomething you hate vs. hurting someone you like? Innocently
enough, I often end up in that predicament.
BUT, you make the healthier choice of telling the truth (even it means hurting some feelings) rather than suffering through something you hate. In the past, I would have done the opposite and suffered through something I hated rather than speaking my truth. I think this is wonderfully healthy.
I was so glad I wasn't drinking when I read the "twin beds" comment because I laughed so hard.
I don't think you should have handled it differently. Your neighbor will get over it when she realizes that all you did was tell her you didn't like boats---all boats--- and wasn't insinuating anything about HER. It's when we don't tell our truth and bend over backwards to please others that we have a problem. Serious problem. Kudos to you.
Robin
DeleteThanks for the good words. I've finally learned (and about time) that I don't do anyone any favors when I whimp along through life always trying to please others. Getting older is rather neat, in that I don't want to waste a minute doing something that displeases me. Whoo Hoo
Hi Manzi!! I would have said just what you said - if you don't like boats you don't like boats. If she's offended by that then she needs to get over herself :)
ReplyDeleteKeith
DeleteThanks for commenting. I feel, too, It is usually better to stand firm and be honest.
You nipped it in the bud, she'll get on w/her initial disappointment and you'll move on from there (still happy neighbors and friends). Not everyone likes everything others do, she'll get that... ;)
ReplyDeleteThat being said, hubby and I have theoretically discussed a boat, though we won't get one because the maintenance and storage would drive us crazy being so far from the lake. He likes pontoons, I hate them. I like speed boats, he hates those. Maybe it's a very good thing we don't live by the water. :)
Rosey
DeleteMakes it difficult when you like different types of boats. My husband had a pontoon boat that I call a party boat. I only saw it from a block away but it must have been large because all his relatives went on it. They'd order trays and trays of food and lots of booze and spend the day riding around and drinking. Not my cup of tea (or booze). I always wondered why my husband liked to do that because he didn't drink and just about all of his relatives were alcoholics.
My granddaughter met a guy from Michigan through her music. He was here last week end and it sounds serious. Ha
Gah, if they get serious-serious urge caution about moving here. There are many things to love, but the economy is so so so so so so so so so bad. I moved here from another state about 8 years ago. I still regret it in so many ways. And that's my unsolicited and very biased, maybe not even applicable, two cents. :)
DeleteLove my boat, just can't afford to keep it afloat.
ReplyDeleteBut I'm fine with folks who don't, either it's relaxing or annoying. I get it.
Xaver
DeleteThe imortant thing is that we are all doing something "we" like to do. That makes for happy people.
Have fun on your boat and keep it afloat. LOL
Sadly, I probably would've told a little lie and said something like, "I love looking at boats but not going on them. I get seasick before my second foot hits the deck."
ReplyDeleteCarol
DeleteYour idea is really the best middle ground. No one goes home with hurt feelings. But dang, I always seem to trip myself up somewhere when I even tell a little white lie.
Dear Manzanita, I think, like Carol above, I would have taken a middle ground. I'll have turned down a ride, saying that I really didn't enjoy boating, but that I'd be happy to stand on the dock and wave they good-bye and have a cookie or slice or cake or some crackers for them when they disembarked. Peace.
ReplyDeleteDee
DeleteMany agree with you and think the middle ground is best. Waiting for them on the dock with cookies or cake? You do go the extra mile, Dee. LOL
Like you, I am pretty straight forward. I would have told her you wouldn't catch me on a boat.
ReplyDeleteBut guess what!! I LIKE BOATS.
Much love...
Terry
DeleteI like your phrase....."wouldn't catch me on a boat." I guess I just like to put it out there and go on. No white lies...... as I always get caught.
You are such a good writer.... I enjoy reading your blog posts... wish more people would write posts like this!!!! YES--of course, we are all caught in that predicament about whether to be honest or not.... Kinda like the question: "Do I look fat in this????" ha ha .... OH--what to say!!!! Tee Hee.
ReplyDeleteI guess I would do the same thing that you did if I truly did not want to go on a boat ride... IF you hadn't have told her the truth, you'd be taking LOTS of boat rides I'm sure!!!!! ha... The truth is best. She'll get over it!!!! ha
Hugs,
Betsy
Betsy
ReplyDeleteThat was a very nice compliment. Thank you. I'm not striving to be a writer like so many bloggers. In fact I've forgotten english composition, I just enjoy the people.
Hahaha
That's like a trick question.... "Do I look fat?" The answer would always be between a rock and a hard place.
My answer would be simple: "No."
ReplyDeleteJJ
DeleteHow come I knew you'd say that? Haha
Wow! That's a hard one. I guess I'd just say I've never been comfortable with boats, but they sure had a pretty one. That's pretty much what you said.
ReplyDeleteKay
ReplyDeleteOnly your words are a bit kinder. Ha
LOL I would've said something similar. Something like that happened to me a couple months ago. And, I did nip it in the bud. It wasn't too awkward. Much.
ReplyDelete